Security experts were being rushed to the ninth floor of the Beehive this morning, after a malicious hacker accessed the Prime Minister’s brain.
Experts began to suspect a breach of security, after large amounts of data stored in John Key’s brain disappeared.
It is believed that a hacker gained access to the Prime Minister and used the opportunity to erase numerous files stored in his brain.
Questions have been raised before about the security of Mr Key’s brain, after he failed to recall positions taken by him on a number of political issues, such as the 1981 Springbok tour.
But the scale of John Key’s recent memory loss leaves experts in no doubt that someone is trying to destroy his brain.
Some experts have speculated that these malicious attacks may be coming from within the Labour Party.
But John Key’s personal security people have dismissed such speculation, pointing out that an attack from Labour would almost certainly have failed.
Experts are currently attempting to reboot the Prime Minister, but it is feared that a fix may not be possible and that his systems may be permanently compromised.
However, a Prime Minister operating at even half-capacity is understood to still be a less frightening prospect for National Party supporters than his being replaced by someone like Gerry Brownlee or Steven Joyce.
Mr Key this morning said he had no recollection of the attack.
“I don’t know what happened, but it doesn’t matter. It’s business as usual, and I’m fully focused on the issues that matter to ordinary people. What are they again?”