Blogger issues fatwa recall notice

The following statement is given in response to the blogpost by Professor Andrew Geddis published on Sunday 24 February:

It’s my fault. My fatwa was a foolish attempt to seek justice, but I should have known that there was no justice in this world.

I now withdraw my fatwa, because I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

I’m not sure how one goes about withdrawing a fatwa. Is it like a product recall? Will this blogpost suffice, or will I be required to issue recall notices in all the main newspapers? I hope not, because that could get very expensive. If you have any relevant fatwa expertise then please get in touch.

I’m issuing a recall notice because I made a mistake. I thought I could get payback by making Professor Geddis’ life difficult, but now I see that the evil stalking the halls and lecture theatres of the Otago University Law School is just too strong, too powerful. My fatwa put the lives of Professor Geddis’ students at risk.

Yes, I underestimated my opponent and the lengths he would go to in order to destroy me.

It was foolish to even consider myself ready to battle this modern day Moriarty. A man of immense power and influence who habitually uses the vast wealth provided by his professorship to intimidate others into submission, Geddis was never going to do anything other than laugh in the face of my feeble fatwa.

When I read the Professor’s response to my fatwa I fell over. Literally. I had discerned immediately that he was mocking me, ridiculing my threat to get even by pretending to be hiding out in fear for his safety, when in reality he was living it up on his enormous salary. He wrote that he was hiding in an undisclosed location, but he was really sitting atop his ivory tower, quaffing fine champagne and eating from golden plates, all the while laughing at the poor little people scurrying below like demented ants and dreaming of squashing them all beneath his boot.

He wrote that he was being guarded by police officers, but I’ll wager that the only people he allows near him are his flunkies, and the usual groupies that attach themselves to law professors.

No, Professor Geddis isn’t living in fear. And why would he fear me? As if I could ever do him harm! Being a famous professor, he’s probably surrounded by guards and travels everywhere in an armoured car. It must be an easy life knowing you can operate with such impunity. I expect all that fine living must dull the parts of the brain devoted to morality, especially the part that tells most people not to go into the heads of other people and steal their ideas!

Professor Geddis is enjoying a life of unrestrained luxury, and his blogpost was a deliberate attempt to mock me, to laugh in my face. Given his vast power and influence, I’d say it was a job well done.

The realisation that he had made me the laughing stock of the entire Province of Otago* hit me hard, I can tell you. So hard that I fell to the floor and bumped my head. I now have a large lump where I met the ground, but it’s not the first injury that man has done to me.

Geddis’ now infamous theft of my thoughts has left me distressed and unable to work, and I now face financial ruin. Do you think ACC will cover this injury done to me? Apparently not. They told me they only cover accidents, and someone going into my brain and ripping out my blogpost ideas isn’t an accident. That’s what the rascals told me.

They’re right at least that it wasn’t accidental. Geddis planned the whole thing, although it’s pretty obvious that others were backing him, funding him, egging him on to perpetrate this act of astonishing evil.

At first I pointed the finger at John Key, but now I see that this conspiracy runs much deeper. The people behind Geddis must know what it is like to live in the shadows, to pull the strings and watch their subjects dance. That makes them a very special breed of malignant evil, which can mean only one group is behind this. To some they are known as the Illuminati, but others call them the Rosicrucians. They are few, but their influence is immense, and Geddis is clearly one of them. Of that I am now convinced.

And now I see that it wasn’t science that plucked away my thoughts; it was Devil Magic. I thought at first that the Professor had one of his science chums hook up a machine that sucks thoughts out of people’s heads, but I see now that my earlier theory makes no sense. Why would any self-respecting scientist allow themselves to be party to such a grotesque Mengele-like experiment?

No, now I see that the dark magic came from some demonic learning imparted to members of Geddis’ ghastly cult from a dark denizen of Hell.  I know now that the man is more dangerous than I first thought, and if I don’t stop him and his Illuminati friends they will take over the entire South Island.

I know that won’t bother some of you, and some of you North Island people are probably thinking “bah, let them have it!” but don’t forget that the South Island has Richie McCaw, and we need him for the All Blacks.

And who’s to say they’ll stop at the South Island? Stewart Island could be next, and if they succeed there they may be bold enough to take on the Chatham Islands.

No, these people must be stopped at any cost.

But how? I have now sent an email to Dan Brown, the famous author, because I figured if anyone knows how to fight these people it would be him.

He hasn’t responded yet, but I guess he gets a lot of fan mail. How soon should I wait before getting on a plane and flying to his house?

I might also try David Icke. I expect the Vatican has a bit of expertise in fighting demons, so maybe I’ll try Rome as well.

For now I must wait for Mr Brown to get in touch. But while I wait, let me give some of you studying Law with Professor Geddis some advice, assuming you’re not now one of Them:

FLY, YOU FOOLS!

* If not the entire nation. Geddis’ dark companion in crime, Dr Bryce Edwards, has published a link to Geddis’ post in the Herald Online, thus presenting my abject humiliation to the mainstream media. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before the people from Seven Days are making jokes at my expense.

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