Treasury Report To Prime Minister On Meteorite Activities

This report has been prepared for the purposes of verifying the Prime Minister’s statement on Tuesday 17 July 2012 that it was unlikely a meteorite would hit the earth that afternoon.

Having comprehensively reviewed a number of economics journals that we agree with, we can find no evidence that a meteorite struck the Earth on the afternoon of Tuesday 17 July 2012.

We did not review any of the information provided by NASA or other scientific bodies interested in the study of meteorological activity, in order to ensure our economic modelling was not polluted with unnecessary and inconvenient facts.

There is no lack of commentary on matters relating to meteorites, but unfortunately most commentators lack training in the science of economics. Ironically, many of these commentators describe themselves as “scientists”. A number of these “scientists” have claimed that the vast majority of meteorites are minuscule, and that it would be almost impossible to detect the average meteorite strike. If this were true, it would render our predictions all but worthless.

However, none of these commentators have had papers published in reputable, peer-reviewed economics journals. We have accordingly disregarded all of this commentary in favour of more robust economic models.

It is our considered view that the possibility of a future meteorite strike cannot be discounted, and that the Government’s moves to push ahead with the implementation of economic reforms will reduce the barriers to entry for most heavenly objects.

This should not be grounds for concern, because a massive meteorite strike could provide the government with growth opportunities currently unavailable as a result of the prevailing political climate. A devastating strike in a particularly depressed part of the country, such as South Auckland, would lead to a strengthening in the Government’s financial position.

Our data tells us that the residents of those hard-hit areas, homeless and desperate for food and clothing and for the money to bury their dead, would behave as rational actors and find market-based solutions to the various difficulties faced by them, rather than rely on the assistance of the state, which would struggle to provide a response. The resultant behavioural shifts, from communities traditionally reliant on government largesse, would lead to reductions in welfare expenditure.

The potential benefits to the economy from a large meteorite strike outweigh some of the negative aspects of a sudden localised occurrence, such as the potential for widespread collateral damage. It is for that reason that the government should investigate the feasibility of dropping large boulders onto depressed communities from great heights. It may be possible to convert the Air Force’s existing inventory of Orion and Hercules aircraft into efficient rock-droppers, and a feasibility study should be undertaken as a matter of high priority, using the most expensive international consultants available.