A startling report from our medicine and astrology correspondent, Victoria Newt John Key is fast becoming famous for his memory lapses. These include forgetting where he stood on the 1981 Springbok tour, failing to remember how he voted on the drinking age, forgetting about important phone calls, forgetting about GCSB briefings, and forgetting how many…
The Environment was today arrested by police, after frustrating business groups for a number of years. Police moved against The Environment following a tip-off from a concerned member of the public. The Environment had been in hiding since legislation making environmentalism unlawful was passed by the government. Minister for Expending Energy and Resources to Change…
The New Zealand Geographic Board has announced it will consult the public before settling on new official names for the North and South Islands.It’s about time. I’ve long thought we could do better than the current names. The board is looking at changing the name South Island to Te Waipounamu and the North Island to…
People who read my posts will know I have not been an uncritical supporter of the Labour Party. The party has struggled from one blunder to the next, and this tendency towards self-injury has driven much of the ongoing speculation about David Shearer’s leadership. Many of us have looked on in dismay as Labour tears…
Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee has hit upon a genius plan to stop all further privacy leaks from the Earthquake Commission: shut down all incoming and outgoing EQC email systems.This means that emails to the organisation will fall into a black hole, and people waiting to hear from the EQC about progress on their claims…
There is always the Ukrainian solution.
The Department of Conservation is to shed 140 jobs and reduce the number of conservancy regions, under plans announced today. The department has been under pressure for some time to reduce inefficiency and waste. DOC’s new owners, Warner Bros, are reportedly concerned that too much emphasis has been placed on preserving uninteresting animals, like native parrots and snails. The…
After reading this piece on The Standard, I am left wondering who “Eddie” is. But I think I’ve worked it out. It could be only one person.
In a surprise announcement, boxer David Tua was today confirmed as the new Reserve Bank Governor. The appointment became necessary after the previous governor, Graeme Wheeler, was unexpectedly sucked into a monetary policy black hole.Tua says he is fired up and ready for the challenge. “I’ve been working hard,” he said. “I’m in great shape after…
Imperator Fish 
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