With threats to democracy seemingly everywhere and the spread of misinformation rampant, this is not the time for Tip Top to abandon some of our favourite ice cream flavours.

It’s no exaggeration to say their plans to cancel Cookies and Cream and Goodie Goodie Gumdrops amount to a direct threat to our democracy.

We are enduring climate change, Covid 19, and the rising cost of living. But can we really be expected to put up with this as well? Tip Top are playing with fire here. The loss of our beloved flavours could just be the spark that blows the whole thing up. We could lose our liberties over this. Is that what the people at Tip Top want? Maybe it is.

It is starting to look as if this move may be part of a broader plan to subvert our government, instill popular distrust in our institutions, and give voice to the views of extremists. Go on, Tip Top, prove me wrong. Show me my concerns are groundless. If you’re serious about protecting our hard-earned democratic freedoms, commit to keeping Cookies and Cream and Goodie Goodie Gumdrops!

Many a revolution has started over a mere food item. Whether it is the cost of bread in Paris, or the loss of our beloved dessert flavours, the result is always the same: Madame Guillotine. Heads rolling in the public squares, terror as a policy, and then eventually despotism. History tells us we should be deeply alarmed at the loss of these delicious treats. Take away the people’s ice creams, and before you can say “Jacobin terror” the streets will be swimming in blood. It is a historical inevitability.

In making this decision, Tip Top have given in to the tyrants. Can anyone else see in this move the heavy hand of that arch-manipulator, Vladimir Putin? That villain would like nothing more than to see Western democracies destabilised. It is becoming clear that the top management of Tip Top have been infiltrated by Russians. It’s the only way I can explain this decision, a decision that reeks of cynicism.

But this cannot stand. Our only chance is to rise up en masse and demand justice for ice cream. To the barricades! Give me Gumdrops or give me death!