In a surprise announcement, boxer David Tua was today confirmed as the new Reserve Bank Governor.
The appointment became necessary after the previous governor, Graeme Wheeler, was unexpectedly sucked into a monetary policy black hole.
Tua says he is fired up and ready for the challenge.
“I’ve been working hard,” he said. “I’m in great shape after working in the gym for months under a new trainer.
“ I’ve lost more than ten kilos and I’m beginning to feel like I have my old speed and power back.”
The appointment has caused consternation and controversy within the financial sector, with some analysts questioning why a younger fighter like Shane Cameron missed out.
“Tua was a great fighter in his day,” said Westpac Chief Economist Dominick Stephens. “But does he have it within him to run a sophisticated and complex central bank?”
Prominent businessperson and boxing commentator Sir Robert Jones is more forthright on Tua’s shortcomings.
“He’s past it. If he wants a job in the financial sector he should go and join the dinosaurs at Treasury.”
But David Tua has a message for those who don’t believe he can do the job.
“Let them come here and say that to my face,” he said.
The boxer is dismissive of the concerns expressed by many that he has no experience in economics.
“When I was growing up in South Auckland we were poor, and we had to watch every penny,” Tua said. “I learned all about looking after money from an early age.
He also rejects claims his lack of banking knowledge will leave him struggling.
“Man, I learned all about banking when I discovered my manager had taken all my money and my bank accounts were empty,” said Tua.
“I went to see my bank manager afterwards and he sat me down and explained where the money had gone. So, yeah, I know all about banking.”
The fighter readily admits that he doesn’t know much about monetary policy. But he says that a strong determination and the power of prayer will see him right during the next few rounds of official cash rate reviews.
With Tua starting work on Monday, the interim governor appointed immediately after Graeme Wheeler’s terrible accident will now step down and return to the playing roster at the Sydney Roosters rugby league team.
Imperator Fish 