Imperator Fish Nation: Dunne steps down from Revenue Minister role

By James Rowland

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There was shock today for fans of the long-running Government of New Zealand as the Revenue Minister, Peter Dunne, resigned.

Internet speculation had been rampant for the past few days that Dunne might be leaving his role as the Revenue Minister. But confirmation of his departure did not arrive until the Prime Minister fronted the press this afternoon.

“I think I speak for everyone when I say this is a sad day,” John Key said, after confirming the news.

“Peter brought a sense of gravitas to the role of the Minister of Revenue. He approached it with common sense and groundedness, which meant that the public could relate to the character.

“For many people, myself included, Peter is really the definitive Revenue Minister. He’s certainly my Revenue Minister, and I know that my predecessor felt the same way.”

While praise has been flowing for Dunne’s tenure as Minister of Revenue, some political commentators have agreed that the time is right for the character to regenerate.

“Dunne has stayed in the role for a remarkably long time,” one commentator said. “And sometimes that can be a bad thing. It’ll be interesting to see who will be appointed as the new Revenue Minister and what they bring to the role.”

With no other important news to keep them busy except a budget, constitutional law breaches and various other matters, the media has now turned its attention to who will take the famous role as Minister of Revenue.

Peter Dunne was known for playing the character with a straight bat, excluding a planking episode that was critically and commercially panned. However, the Government may wish to inject a little bit of humour back into the role, with Maurice Williamson’s gay marriage speech now seeming like an early pitch to be given the job.

“When a minister regenerates,” John Key said when asked about speculation, “it’s an exciting time for everyone. We’re hoping that the new Minister of Revenue will win the public’s hearts, just like Peter did.

“Obviously, we’re looking for the best person for the job. I don’t see why we can’t have a Maori or Asian, or hell, even a female Revenue Minister.”

It can be confirmed, however, that a Winter Special will be filmed with Bill English starring as an Interim Revenue Minister in search of a mythical Artificial Intelligence that is said to be worth more than a billion dollars.

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