It’s time we grew up as a nation and got ourselves a police state

I’m sure you’ll agree we gave it a good crack. It seemed to be going well for a while, and then it just seemed like we had a bad run of things. Now we can’t get back to where we need to be.

So it’s time we gave up on Parliamentary Democracy and the Rule of Law, and just adopted a police state.

It’s the only solution to the wave of violence besetting our nation. It seems like someone is murdered just about every other day, and just today there was yet another brutal attack on police officers. When will this end? What of the victims?

What will we say to all those grieving mothers crying for justice if we do nothing?

If we had a properly functioning authoritarian state the only people doing the murdering would be the police.

So let’s just save us all further bother and suspend Parliament and the courts, install a strong-man as leader of our nation, and give the police unlimited powers.

Parliamentary democracy has evolved slowly over the centuries,  forged in the fires of civil war, revolution and crisis. It is a robust and flexible system. So it will be a sad day when we just ditch it. It’ll probably be a bit like watching the final series of Outrageous Fortune – an enjoyable experience that has given us a few laughs and has made us feel better about ourselves, but one we always knew would end. So don’t get down, and don’t dwell on the past too much, because you’ll have other things on your mind once a van load of boiler-suited goons turns up at your doorstep with batons and clubs.

The spate of violent crime we’ve been experiencing is just one of many good reasons to abandon centuries of political and legal development. Even if it really isn’t a spate, because crime figures are relatively settled. It’s more a case of journalists, editors and commentators frothing over something that hasn’t really changed for a decade, because that’s the pressure of the modern day news-cycle for you. Crime stories are easy to produce, and they push people’s buttons.

But since much of the news media has already ceased reporting the facts, and just prints Government and lobby-group press releases as if they are news, we may as well admit we’re well on the path to living under an authoritarian regime. It’s pointless to fight them. If we join them early enough we might be among the favoured few when the best jobs are divvied up among the new regime’s cronies.

Think of the other benefits. The suspension of free speech would be a real blessing. No longer would you be able to go online and engage in petty point-scoring with strangers, because They would be online too, monitoring everything you said and did (never mind the fact you probably won’t have any electricity anyway).

Better still, talkback radio would be a thing of the past, because all the callers will have finally got what they asked for and won’t have anything further to say. Imagine all the time you will now have up your sleeves with these wasteful and pointless exercises behind you. Instead of hiding in front of a computer or TV screen you will be able to actually talk to your husband or wife, ask them how their day was, and speculate on what happened to Fred from Accounts (“He was there yesterday, but has just disappeared, and nobody would even look me in the eye when I asked where he was.”).

And all that extra time you now have will come in handy once the inevitable economic collapse occurs and you need to dig potatoes in your front yard just to survive the famine.

So next time you hear a Police spokesman going off about rampant crime and how the cops need more powers, don’t roll your eyes. Give the man what he wants. Your friendly policeman is there to serve, and knows what is best for us.

Join with me then in toasting the good times we’ve had, but let’s not have any regrets. The Rule of Law ran a good race, but this police state business just sounds too good to pass up.