The Leader of the Opposition returns to Imperator Fish with another powerful column. It’s been a positive fortnight for Labour, and we’ve got National on the run. It was good to land some blows in Parliament this week against the PM’s handling of Rodney Hide. A strong performance in the House is the key to…
The Sensible Whaling Trust says that the ongoing assistance provided by Government agencies to stranded whales only encourages further criminal cetacean behaviour. “These low-lives make a mockery of the system,” said Sensible Whaling Trust spokesperson Ahab McReverend. “Despite what the namby-pamby whale-lovers say, whale-strandings are a just punishment for anti-social and offensive behaviour.” Mr McReverend…
Oh David Garrett!A new identity nowIn sunny Tonga?
Thursday Troubling news from the Capital. It seems that our allies are in disarray and cannot be relied upon to provide the support we require. It is pleasing, then, that we have so intimidated and overwhelmed out traditional enemies that they dare not move against us at this time. It is even more pleasing to…
Hobbies: Fighting, dressing up, jolly japes. Occupation: International man of mystery. Favourite book: The Day of the Jackal. Favourite movie: Unforgiven. Favourite food: Chicken Nugget Happy Meal. Dream date: I will call you on the phone and whisper promises of sweet seduction into your ear. You will meet me on a seat in a tree-lined…
The Herald on Sunday reports that following his return from Tonga in 2003 David Garrett tried to woo a woman on an online dating site by seductively promising a feed of McDonalds and a private screening of the film Casablanca. Garrett (a married father of two) says he can’t recall details of the online dating…
Conservative commentator Dr. Frank Shizenhausen defends David Garrett So the media have another ACT Party man to sink their teeth into. But I don’t see what the fuss is all about. Isn’t identity theft a victimless crime? This is all just a smear by angry socialists. Are we now going to require every indiscretion to…
Would you Adam and Eve it? The bleedin’ system screwed me over again! There I was, minding me own business outside the pisser, when some joker belts me in the Uncle Ned. So I give him a tap with me Oliver Twist, and before I know it the fuzz are dragging me before the magistrate.…
It’s not easy being a hero. Sometimes you wonder why you do it, especially when the media hounds are onto you, trying to tear you apart. So I’ve been forced to do a lot of soul-searching over the last few difficult days. This turmoil has upset all of my usual routines. Instead of getting up before…
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