Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee has hit upon a genius plan to stop all further privacy leaks from the Earthquake Commission: shut down all incoming and outgoing EQC email systems.This means that emails to the organisation will fall into a black hole, and people waiting to hear from the EQC about progress on their claims…
There is always the Ukrainian solution.
The Department of Conservation is to shed 140 jobs and reduce the number of conservancy regions, under plans announced today. The department has been under pressure for some time to reduce inefficiency and waste. DOC’s new owners, Warner Bros, are reportedly concerned that too much emphasis has been placed on preserving uninteresting animals, like native parrots and snails. The…
After reading this piece on The Standard, I am left wondering who “Eddie” is. But I think I’ve worked it out. It could be only one person.
In a surprise announcement, boxer David Tua was today confirmed as the new Reserve Bank Governor. The appointment became necessary after the previous governor, Graeme Wheeler, was unexpectedly sucked into a monetary policy black hole.Tua says he is fired up and ready for the challenge. “I’ve been working hard,” he said. “I’m in great shape after…
David Shearer: Thank you Mr Speaker, my question now to the Minister of State Owned Enterprises: Has the Government met the five criteria the Prime Minister laid out for proceeding with asset sales? Tony Ryall: Blue cheese.Shearer: Point of order, Mr Speaker. What kind of answer was that? Mr Speaker: The minister answered the question.…
Last week’s parliamentary vote was a huge boost for the marriage equality movement, but a new group has been formed to protect traditional family values. Named HAME (Hipsters Against Marriage Equality), the group plans a campaign of opposition against Louisa Wall’s bill before parliament.“Marriage equality is just old,” said the group’s spokesperson Thom Moretti. “Many…
Labour Party leader David Shearer has moved quickly to discipline one of his MPs for failing to declare a pecuniary interest. “I expect high standards from my MPs” said Shearer, as he announced that MP David Shearer would be stood down from all duties. The suspension arose after the MP today admitted failing to declare…
Did you know that I now have a Facebook page? No? That must be why your life is really terrible right now. But it’s not too late to turn things around. Go to my page and push “like” and get hard-hitting commentary like this: Enjoy as I eviscerate politicians and public figures alike: Or maybe you’re…
The newly elected pope, Francis I, has demanded an immediate crusade to liberate the Falkland Islands from Britain. Speaking to a crowd in St Peter’s Basilica today, Pope Francis called for the men of Christendom to become “soldiers of God” and to “cleanse the Malvinas of the British impiety.” The Pope said he had been…
Imperator Fish 
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