Hipsters unite to fight marriage equality

Last week’s parliamentary vote was a huge boost for the marriage equality movement, but a new group has been formed to protect traditional family values.

Named HAME (Hipsters Against Marriage Equality), the group plans a campaign of opposition against Louisa Wall’s bill before parliament.

“Marriage equality is just old,” said the group’s spokesperson Thom Moretti.

“Many of our members have been long-time supporters of marriage equality. But all that changed when Parliament voted last week to support Louisa Wall’s bill.

“All around the world there is a growing movement to recognise in law the right for two people to marry, regardless of their gender or sexual preferences.

“It’s so lame. It’s so last year” said Moretti.

Moretti said his new Samsung Galaxy had been ringing non-stop since the parliamentary vote.

“Hipsters all around Grey Lynn are disgusted that they used to support something old dudes like John Banks are now in favour of.

“They’re rushing to join our organisation. Well not rushing exactly. More like languidly strolling through the doors of the café where we meet and enquiring in a nonchalant manner about joining.

“We’re now working with Family First on a campaign across social media to promote intolerance and conservatism. Our members are excited about rediscovering some of these old attitudes.

“For example, can you believe that homosexuality was a crime only thirty years ago? How cool is that? Our members are loving this.”

Hipster culture expert Dr Marion Newdinck said that the growing popularity of marriage equality would see an increase in the number of hipsters joining organisations like HAME and Family First.

“Family First have been made to look like dinosaurs, so it’s only a matter of time before hipsters discover them and breathe new life into old and offensive attitudes,” said Dr Newdinck.

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