New Zealand has been judged the most peaceful nation in the world by the Institute for Economics and Peace.

The full rankings can be found here.

We have taken the top spot from Iceland. So that’s yet another statistic to prove we’re just like Iceland. Great.

The Australian think tank (whose existence I’d never heard of until this Herald article) puts the US at number 83. That’s not a great result, but it beats North Korea’s 131st place. Although our Fool of the Moment, Professor Bagaric would have us think the US is the most dangerous and aggressive power in the world.

Here’s my take on why NZ is so “peaceful” – we are largely incapable of fighting a war. We have no combat aircraft, our ships are mostly patrol boats, and our land forces are small. And our defence spending is negligible. We couldn’t be aggressive if we wanted to.

But clearly this comparison with Iceland is potentially disastrous. Do we really want to end up a failed and bankrupt nation? For this very reason I am calling on the New Zealand Government to launch an immediate strike on one of our peaceful and innocent neighbours. They’ll have to be nearby, in case our ships break down, and they’ll obviously have to have no military forces. I’m thinking Niue. We already have them under our wing. Now let’s have them under our jackboot.

Charge!