Mr Key, What Are You Hiding?

John Key’s refusal to be honest with the New Zealand people is a disgrace.

We have asked perfectly reasonable questions. And yet he won’t answer them. Mr Key, why won’t you provide full disclosure?

Maybe he’s got something to hide.

So why is Key being so evasive? Maybe it’s because section 27 of the Electoral Act states:

The House of Representatives shall have as its members those persons who are elected from time to time in accordance with the provisions of the Electoral Act 1956 or this Act, and who shall be known as members of Parliament.

So the law’s clear: to be an MP you have to be a “person”. And it is perfectly obvious that the drafters of the law intended “person” to mean a person human born.

Mr Key, some people have claimed you are an alien born on the planet Zargon, a small planet circling Alpha Centauri, and that your real family name is not Key but Xahataknaksh. Now I’m not saying that’s true, but if you have nothing to hide why haven’t you provided documentary proof that you are not an alien?

All we have asked for is legal evidence from the appropriate Zargon authorities establishing you are not a citizen of that planet.

We have also requested you submit to a moderately invasive and yet perfectly reasonable DNA test by independent medical experts chosen by us, in order to prove your human descent.

We also seek to biopsy all of your bodily organs, to ensure you are 100% human.

How is this unreasonable? And yet you continue to ignore our requests. You even claim no planet called Zargon exists, and you dismiss us as nutters. Your arrogance is breathtaking.

Just who do you think you’re fooling, Mr Key? Do you think a blanket denial will continue to work? Don’t you know what happens to tyrants like you? Our movement is growing in numbers, and the word is out that you’re hiding some dark secret. You can’t fool all of the people all of the time, Mr Key.

So if you’ve nothing to hide, prove it!