John’s Diary 18/3/10

Not a bad few days.

We just got rid of a whole lot more civil servants. Isn’t my plan to get Kiwis working looking great? It all comes back to my cycleway – that’s 1500 more people on their bikes!

Now the lousy Opposition are saying we agreed to cap public service staff levels, not cut them.  But Maybe I wasn’t as clear as I could have been. What I meant to say was we intend to knee-cap the public service. There goes me and my garbled words again. But the proles love me for it. LOL!

Talking of which, didn’t I draw a nice Beehive picture? It even had a lovely little bee buzzing about. I wanted to draw a pair of circling Nazgul too, but Murray and Steven didn’t have time to pose. LOL!

I’ve just announced I’ll give $300K to the All Whites. I was pleased to help my support party out, until I found out the “All Whites” weren’t a division of the Act Party. Who watches soccer anyway? It’s hardly going to get me another gig on Letterman. Nor are the 2018 Commonwealth Games. What a waste of non-rugby-related taxpayer’s money.

People are complaining because I’m being secretive about our conservation mining plans. I keep telling them to trust me. I tell them “don’t worry”, because my experts say any mining will be done surgically. I didn’t dare tell them the advice my experts gave me made no sense. So I asked Gerry how feasible it would be to extract minerals using only scalpels, anaesthetics and clamps. He just patted me on the back and said “keep smiling, John”

Good advice, that.