John’s Diary: 24/8/10

I get down when people keep saying my government has no plan for the future. They’re wrong. There is a plan, and it is to say and do anything necessary to get re-elected in 2011. LOL!

I suppose that will sound cynical. Shouldn’t we be doing what’s right for the country, rather than just clinging to power at all costs? How will I live with myself if something I did contributed to our nation’s continuing poor performance?  Thankfully, I can’t remember a promise made a week ago, so in years to come I won’t be troubled by recollections of what I failed to do as PM.

We sure are sticking it to the kids. Simon thinks the alcohol reform package will finally clamp down on young drinkers. Which is good. Even if most of our alcohol problems are caused by the over 20s.

I told Simon I thought getting kids to stop binge drinking was a waste of time so long as their parents continued to behave irresponsibly with alcohol. But apparently the kids don’t vote for us, while their pissed-up parents most certainly do. So our liquor law proposals make little sense and won’t change a great deal, but the important thing is we can say we’re doing something.

Simon was also insistent we not move the blood alcohol limit for driving, even though it’s a bit of a no-brainer to make this change. He and Steven told me we were sticking with the plan, even though I quite liked the idea of asking Parliament to vote on a conscience basis. But Steven warned me that asking our caucus to examine their consciences would open up all sorts of dangerous possibilities, so we put a stop to it.

So we’ll get more research done before changing the law. There’s an enormous amount of evidence telling us what the effect of lowering the blood-alcohol limit will be, but there are still gaps in the research. Big gaps. For example, it turns out that there’s been no study undertaken on the potential links between drink driving and the Great Plague of 1348. We also have to consider the environment and global warming. I’ve no idea why, but Simon told me I should say that if I get stuck. Simon’s always got my back. He’s even painted a big red target on it. LOL!

So we’ll take a look, decide what the public want on any given day, and go with that regardless of what our additional research says. Because I’m a man of the people.

I’ve been dreading Parliament, because the other lot have been trying to trip me and my ministers up on our commitments to close the income gap with Australia by 2025. Apparently this is one of those promises I’m meant to keep. Damn!

Rodney and Heather have been fighting again. Heather seems to think ACT has turned its back on its founding principles, and is blaming Rodney. In responding Rodney followed the playbook he learned on Dancing With The Stars, though thankfully when he dropped Heather she didn’t land on her head.  I’ve never considered Rodney to be a bully, but then I’ve never actually tried to stand up to him.

This ACT business sure leaves things in a mess, though, and it’s a good thing we don’t have that kind of carry-on in my party. I say good luck on finding a principle any of us are prepared to fight for. LOL!

It’s so good to see us excelling at something, even if it is something I can’t claim any credit for.  After a tremendous victory by the All Blacks in South Africa, the leadership skills of Richie McCaw are being lauded to the skies by the media and McCaw’s own teammates. On these occasions I naturally expect comparisons to be made between McCaw’s leadership and my own. McCaw is charismatic, driven, demanding, and at the very top of his game, and his team would die for him. So no real comparison then. LOL!

Anyway, consistent with our policy of asking every still-breathing ex All Black whether he’d like to stand for National (Keith Murdoch, where are you?), I might see if McCaw wants to join our team after he retires. I could take him under my wing and teach him everything I know. McCaw may be a champion player, but when it comes to cynical play, slowing the ball down, and interfering with the opposition’s game, I could teach him a few tricks.

I’ve also asked our party strategists if they should be targeting the ex-All Blacks of the future. We have a fantastic opportunity at the next Northerrn Roller Mills Rugby Tournament. We’ll be able to recruit from the very best 12 and 13 year old players.

Oh wait, Simon just reminded me that we hate young people. Scrap that plan.