Construction Worker Finally Discovers Why He’s Been Agreeing With Michael Laws

Have you ever had one of those shocking mornings after a particular rowdy New Years?

From the Herald:

A man lived for several years totally unaware a bullet was lodged in his head after a drunken New Year’s Eve night out.

It wasn’t until the Polish construction worker, who lives in Germany, noticed a cyst on his head and went to hospital that the truth was revealed – x-rays showed there was a 5.6mm 22-calibre bullet lodged in the 35-year-old’s scalp.

The man couldn’t quite remember whether it was 2004 or 2005, but did recall feeling a forceful blow to the back of his head around midnight as he celebrated New Year’s Eve in the German city of Herne, police spokesman Volker Schutte told German English-language newspaper The Local.

“He told us he remembered having a sore head, but that he wasn’t really one for going to the doctor,” he said.

Like most people, I’ve not had the opportunity to experience for myself true bullet-in-head pain, so I can’t be altogether certain how I’d react if someone shot me in the head.

But, assuming I survived the experience with some parts of my frontal lobe intact, I expect I might think: “gosh, that doesn’t feel so good. Damn, that hurts! Well what do you know, there’s a hole in my head! I’d better get someone to look at that. It could be nasty.”

While police admit the chances of finding the culprit are not great, [Police spokesman] Mr Schutte said the incident may serve as a warning to others.

“Our next pre-New Year’s Eve safety campaign will now have an argument for telling people to leave their pistols in the gun safe because they’ll see what kind of damage can be done,” he told the paper.

I think a New Years safety campaign is a good idea. We often forget that alcohol and guns don’t mix. Who hasn’t found themselves a bit squiffy, picked up the nearest handgun and started plugging a few rounds into the closest crowd? It’s become such a temptation that nowadays when I go out for a big blowout my wife makes me leave all my firearms behind. Well most of them. She lets me keep the grenades.

This unfortunate tale shows just how weird things can get when you drink. So next time you have a big night, wake up with an awful hangover and are too sick to work, ring the boss and tell him someone must have shot you*.

* Disclaimer: I’m not an employment lawyer. You’d have to be a total dick to follow this advice.