Huge March In Timaru

The main street of Timaru was brought to a standstill this morning, after an impromptu march by local residents and investors in failed finance company South Canterbury Finance.

Carrying placards and blowing trumpets, the marchers made a noisy spectacle as they walked down the main street.

March organiser Bruce McDonald said the turnout was intended to send a message to the politicians who had tried so hard to interfere in the company, and to the people of the North Island who didn’t understand the southern way of doing things.

“This is all about sending a message,” said Mr McDonald.

“And that message is, thank God you rescued us from our own stupidity.

“We thought that lending money out to farmers who had no hope of paying it back was a grand idea, and that nothing could possibly go wrong. Man were we on drugs, or what?”

Sheila DeBan, Timaru resident and South Canterbury Finance investor, said the interference by the Government had shocked her.

“We don’t need any bailout, and Mr Hubbard would have seen us right. At least that’s what we thought. Jesus Christ, how stupid can we have been?

“Talk about misplaced loyalty.”

Ms DeBan then began to slap herself on the face repeatedly, screaming ’‘stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” until she was bloody. She eventually collapsed and was admitted to hospital.

There were reports of numerous other self-inflicted injuries during the march, and several deaths.

March organiser Bruce McDonald also had a special message to the people of Auckland.

“We’ve been saying for years that the people of Auckland have the Mainland to thank for their flash cars and fancy lattes.

“It turns out we were wrong and that we owe you all an apology. We’re really, really sorry we said all those awful things about you guys. Forgiveness?”