PM To Announce Government Department Changes

In a speech to Parliament today the Prime Minister will announce the merger or restructuring of a number of government departments and ministries.

A copy of Mr Key’s speech was leaked yesterday.

Mr Key will announce that the Ministry of Economic Development is to be merged with the Department of Corrections.

“The MED is a ministry tasked with finding out what we as a nation need to do to lift our economic performance,” Mr Key will say.

“If you look at where we have experienced the most promising growth it is in the number of people we imprison.

“New Zealanders are famous for their cannot-do attitude and number-8-razor-wire mentality, and these have helped to contribute to our boasting one of the highest prison populations per capita in the world. It makes sense to bring Corrections and the MED together to better explore how we can further exploit this booming industry.”

Also to be combined are the Human Rights Commission and the Taxation Review Authority.

“For some time people close to me have been saying that they consider paying any sort of tax to be an infringement of their basic liberties and human rights. So it seems only just that when tax cases are being heard the fundamental human right of high net worth individuals to avoid paying their fair share should be considered.”

The Privacy Commission will also be merged with the Ministry of Social Development.

“This will create efficiencies, and will ensure that personal information about beneficiaries can be released by ministers to the media in a more streamlined way,” Mr Key will say.

Finally, a new department will be formed, combining the current Ministry of Women’s Affairs and Prime Minister’s Office.

“It makes sense that the PM does this job. If I am going to fantasise in the media about which women I wish to have affairs with, I need some way to keep those uppity feminists in line.”