Ken Ring Only Uses His Magic For Good

It’s no surprise that Ken Ring would predict a major earthquake occurring today. It’s a Supermoon today, and Ring seems to blame the Moon for everything. Maybe the Moon really pissed him off once, or stitched him up in some business dealing. Perhaps the Moon stole his girl back in high school. Whatever it was, Ring’s never forgotten.

I’m not so sure myself about the Moon theory. If I had to blame something or someone for all this quakiness (other than all the boring stuff scientists say causes earthquakes. Ha, scientists! What would they know?), my money would be on Justin Bieber’s hair. Bieber cut his hair in February, and within hours a major quake struck Christchurch. I’m not sure on the exact relationship between plate tectonics and Bieber’s coiffure, because my learnings have a hole in them, but I doubt it’s a coincidence. Everything’s connected in some way.

I’m probably tempting fate by posting this (it’s not midnight yet!), but here’s how one friend of Ken Ring sees the Moonman’s predictions.

Watson said Ring was like a doctor diagnosing a terminal illness. “If you’ve got six months to live should your doctor not say so?”

I agree. I absolutely would want to know if I had terminal cancer. But once I had discovered that the guy who diagnosed me was an impostor with no training pretending to be an expert, and that I was in fact perfectly healthy, I’d be suing the hospital. After I’d kicked the quack’s arse some.

Ring’s friend also says:

“He’s been shocked and upset. He thought he was doing a service to help people and save lives. He’s not getting anything out of it. In fact, he’s only had grief.”

All the publicity must be a boon for book sales. So I’m pleased to hear Ring’s friend confirming that Ring isn’t profiting from what some people have called rampant scaremongering.

I wonder which charity Ring’s donating the sale proceeds to.