Cantabrian ACT Supporters Had A Shit Year

The fact that Gaddafi, bin Laden and Krazy Kim bit the dust, and that we finally won that stupid piece of silverware (despite doing our best not to), can scarcely compensate for the shit year the people of Christchurch had.

Other disappointments were the election result (I fully acknowledge that whether that result was a good or bad one rather depends on one’s political persuasion), various storms and shipwrecks, a failing world economy, economic stagnation in our own country, a growing gap between rich and poor, and the truly awful news right at the very end of the year that Russell Brand and Katy Perry are splitting.

Can 2012 get any worse? Perhaps. There is never any shortage of doomsday scenarios to choose from, and the end of one year always prompts speculation about what the next holds in store.

Let me give you my predictions: (Bear in mind this is just a bit of speculation, and like most predictions I make I’m only 80-85% confident they will come to pass)

The European economy will collapse. It will hit China hard, as a result of the sudden drop in demand for Chinese goods. This will quickly lead to internal tensions within the rising superpower, tensions that China will seek to overcome by focusing on an external enemy. This will lead to much warfare, chaos and trouble, zombie hordes etc etc; and by the end of the year the people of New Zealand will be living a savage and pitiful existence, wielding stick and clubs, wearing little more than rags stolen from the corpses lying everywhere, fighting pitched battles over waterholes and other resources, and eating the bodies of their dead children for sustenance.

If that sounds dire, don’t worry. It’s not all bad news. Russell and Katy will reconcile. And the ABs will still have the World Cup.

So have a happy new year!

Advertisements