Spill The Beans, Now!

I don’t know about you, but I find it most inconvenient that just as I have some leisure hours to spend blogging about politics and politicians, the bastards have gone on holiday.

Maybe they will come back to work early if there’s some sort of crisis. Like a war. We haven’t had one of those for ages, well not a proper one.

But holding out for a bloody great war may be futile, because we’re just too friendly with all our neighbours, except of course the ones that can’t do us any real harm (yes, Fiji, I mean you).

The other thing likely to disappoint my hopes is the fact most wars break out after months, if not years, of tension and gradual escalation. Even if we launch a sneak attack against Australia, as I have long advocated, we will need some pretext and sense of justified grievance in order to mobilise the nation and, dammit, my holiday will be over by the time we get around to whipping the people up into a frenzy over that incident.

So war breaking out just ain’t gonna happen. My next best bet is that one of our politicians has been harbouring a dirty secret, and that the airing of it will devastate the nation and cause panic among members of the government.

So  please, PLEASE, if you have some real dirt on John Key’s government, let it out. Give it to the media. Don’t be dissuaded by a sense of propriety, duty or morality, because it doesn’t matter why you haven’t spilled the beans up until now, or how many people you may hurt if you tell the world, as those people are collateral damage, regrettable but necessary sacrifices. And if your own career ends up in tatters as a result of your disclosure, the good news is that nobody will even remember who you are when they look back on the scandal that destroyed the Government, and the most you can hope for is a mention in a footnote. So don’t kid yourself that your fate is of any consequence in this matter.

Do it for me. I need some good material to keep me going. I’m in real need of help, and if this political void goes on for much longer I may even have to start communicating with people by non-electronic means. Like family members. Do they really deserve that?