The Roman Discovery Of New Zealand

There’s an article in the news today claiming that the ancient Greeks and Egyptians came to New Zealand.

It is garbage, of course. The idea that these ancient peoples could have made it so far on their flimsy boats is preposterous. There is no evidence that they ever landed in New Zealand.

The Romans, on the other hand…

Okay, here is a disclosure. I have no hard evidence that the Romans were here before the Polynesians. In fact I have no hard evidence, soft evidence, slightly squishy evidence, or evidence that you thought was hard but melted into a puddle because you left it in the sun.

So no evidence then. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I have as much right as anyone else to my pet theory, and by God I’ll exercise it!

In the absence of actual evidence to support my Roman theory, I’m going to try a different approach. Just go with it, will you? Close your eyes. How do you feel? Relaxed? Good, just stay relaxed then. Let yourself drift away. Close your eyes. You’re feeling very sleepy now. Very sleepy. Now very slowly open your eyes. Do you see the words on the computer screen in front of you?

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Okay, when I count to three I want you to wake up. One… two…three…

So you see, the Romans did get here first.

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