Bradbury Confirms Move To Real Estate

Weeks of rumours were finally put to rest today, as broadcaster and blogger Martyn “Bomber” Bradbury announced plans to open a chain of real estate offices throughout Auckland.

The move did not come as a complete surprise to many, because for some time media commentators had been speculating on the reasons for the gradual decline in the quality of Bradbury’s work.

Mr Bradbury confirmed that his mission to alienate, insult and demonise everyone with a different opinion was formally ending.

“I’m winding up my blogging efforts in the next couple of days, and will be recording my last show next week,” said Mr Bradbury.

“It’s been fun, but in recent months I’ve felt stale. The levels of abuse and denigration have been as strong as ever, and I’ve been blocking followers from Twitter in record numbers, but my heart’s just not been in it.

“Deep down I felt I needed to be doing something to help others. When I thought it through I kept coming back to real estate sales.”

Mr Bradbury said he was leaving at just the right time.

“I’ve always been opinionated, preferring the sound of my own voice to the reasoned views of others.

“But I realised some time ago that I was getting tired. The monologues and the shrill invective reached the point where even my own voice wasn’t satisfying me any more, so I ended up having to push it harder and harder. When finally I lost the plot live on Radio New Zealand I knew I had to get out of the game.”

Mr Bradbury said that when he considered an alternative career to broadcasting and blogging, only two possibilities came to mind.

“Dry-cleaning has always intrigued me,” said Mr Bradbury, “and one day I’d love to run a little corner dry-cleaning business somewhere. Imagine never being cold at work on a miserable winter’s day.

“But I’ve always had a passion for property, and the process of buying and selling real estate is one that absolutely fascinates me.

“I have always loved to read those glossy mags you get at the swanky real estate offices, the ones with pictures of multi-million dollar mansions offering spectacular sea views and stunning multi-level luxury in Auckland’s most in-demand suburbs.

“Imagine helping a buyer to realise his dream of acquiring an iconic masterpiece in the very heart of the Grammar zone, and only a five minutes’ walk from some of the finest cafés and restaurants in Auckland.”

Mr Bradbury said he had completed his real estate licensing exams, and that the natural step from there was to open up a realty firm and pursue his lifelong dream.

“I never really wanted to follow a career in the media,” said Mr Bradbury. “It just kind of happened. When I was a kid the glamour of real estate sales appealed to me much more. The fancy suit, the friendly sales patter that would put the most nervous buyer at ease, and the opportunity to negotiate deals: those were the things I dreamed of.

“If I had the money I’d be a property investor, buying up old bungalow do-ups in good suburbs, flicking them off, and making a tidy sum as I went.

“If things go well for me I might be able to do some property investing on the side.”

Mr Bradbury opened the first of his “Mr Real Estate” branded offices, in Grey Lynn on Saturday. Plans are afoot to open offices in St Heliers. Titirangi and Swanson by the end of the year.

“Hopefully when people see what I have achieved in the property world they won’t just write me off as that opinionated leftie,” said Mr Bradbury.

“I’m much more than just a tiresomely bombastic loudmouth. If you are looking to sell your property then call me. Let Mr Real Estate show you what he can do for you.”