The Higgs Boson: How The Politicians Reacted

Russel Norman, Green Party

This is the worst news imaginable. The Green Party are absolutely opposed to the reckless smashing up of so many particles. Isn’t it time we learned to live in harmony with our environment, rather than try to smash up subatomic bits of it? We are calling on this government to announce an immediate moratorium on any further particle destruction.

Winston Peters, New Zealand First

This arrogant government has done nothing to protect us from the risk of Higgs boson particles making it to New Zealand. These particles represent a very real threat to our sovereignty, and we are already being swamped with particles that don’t understand our unique Kiwi way of life. But John Key and all his moneymen backers don’t care about any of that. Do you know how much public money has been wasted on this ridiculous flight of fancy?

John Banks, Act Party

This. Is. An. Outrageous. Waste. Of . Public. Money.

Peter Dunne, United Future

We are cautiously optimistic that the Higgs boson announcement represents a sensible step forward for ordinary New Zealanders. However, we should not be afraid to make bold decisions, so long as we proceed with extreme caution. This is a victory for common-sense.

David Shearer, Labour Party

John Key promised to close the Higgs boson gap, but on his government’s watch New Zealand has slipped further and further behind. This announcement shows that John Key’s government only cares about the privileged few. Billions and billions of dollars are being spent on just a handful of lucky subatomic particles, but a Labour government would look after all Higgs bosons.

Hone Harawira, Mana Party

I’m not interested in your white man’s particle.

John Key, National Party

This demonstrates the value of a stable and sensible government committed to paying down debt and getting the books back into the black. The latest Treasury projections indicate that we can expect steady growth in the Higgs boson sector, but all this could be lost if we don’t remain focused on the task at hand.

Tariana Turia, Maori Party

We don’t have a firm position on the Higgs boson, so we’ll be consulting with our members in a series of huis around the country, before doing whatever National tell us.

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