Dear Mr Obama,

If you’re doing nothing much at the end of your four year presidential term, would you mind popping over here and sorting us out?

I’m no immigration law expert, but I’m sure we could organise some kind of citizenship fast-track, allowing you to stand in the 2017 election. We’ll change the law if we need to. You’d have my vote, not because you have achieved wonderful things policy-wise (you haven’t: your lack of action on important issues like climate change is a disappointment), but because you appear to be able to inspire people in a way few other politicians can.

You are a gifted orator, unlike anyone in politics here. You appear to have imagination, energy and vision, unlike our current leader, who appears content to simply manage our faltering economy. You won’t embarrass us in front of the rest of the world, you won’t insult football stars, and you won’t try to be one of the boys by making lame jokes that nobody older than fourteen finds funny.

You’ll find us a lot easier to govern, too. We have plenty of mediocrities in our parliament, but not too many utter nutjobs, and we’re really not big on religion or guns.

You’ll probably have to tone the rhetoric down a little, but even your worst speech would be a whole lot better than anything a Key or a Shearer could ever deliver.

So what do you say? Have a think about it. Talk to Michelle and the kids (did I mention we have a world class education system too?) and let me know what you decide. Any time tomorrow is fine.

I know you’ll do the right thing!