A Day In The Life Of That Labour MP

9:46 am

I am weary, for I have slept little. But I cannot linger here, as there is work to be done.

Last night was a late one, as I plotted with my minions in a secret chamber beneath the Michael Joseph Savage Memorial. There we feasted on the blood of virgins, made our diabolical plans, and prayed to dark unholy things, until at last a portal opened up from the underworld. We saw things that frightened and thrilled us, and left us trembling in a mad anticipation for the things that must soon pass.

Then, on that very night, we gave a name to our army of assorted goblins, trolls, and other foul creatures. We are the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy (VLWC), and the portal into Hell we opened up we have named The Standard.

We spent the remaining hours of darkness writing up our lists: those whom we shall spare when The Reckoning is upon us, and those who must perish in the hellish inferno to come.

10:13 am

I see that Tapu Misa has followed my instructions to the letter. Excellent.  She was unwilling at first, but she came around once I explained to her what happens to those who don’t bend to my irresistible will. Many a good column was written in mortal fear.

Another pawn in the VLWC now threatens the enemy king.

11:41 am

Here kitty kitty kitty. Oh, aren’t you a pretty little creature?

Are you hungry, my little blossom? You must be patient, my precious one, for soon there will be fresh meat aplenty, AND WE SHALL ALL FEAST ON THE BLOOD OF THE FALLEN ONE!

3:36 pm

And now for the next phase.  Brian Edwards has played his hand. I will be sure to send Brian his reward. How dreadful things now begin to look for our poor leader. I do pity the man sometimes, even as I prepare my traps; but anyone who spends years of his life doing good deeds in other countries, instead of sharpening his knife back home, deserves everything he gets.

He has been in so many war-zones  and has come face to face with evil so many times, and yet he fails to recognise the danger under his very nose. How unfortunate for him.

3:57 pm

Wait, what is this? They are on to us! The right have uncovered our shadowy plot, and we now stand in dreadful danger. I am not ready yet!

How should I respond? Do I release the mind control devices yet, or should I wait until the party conference, when all the leaders of the party are gathered together in one place?

It is so tempting to squash them all like juicy bugs, or to pull them limb from limb one at a time and watch their lives ebb away. But no, I must wait.

5:08 pm

I have a plan to silence Farrar and his blog commenters once and for all. They threaten to spoil everything.

Nobody will want to visit his blogsite ever again, once I have unleashed my diabolical super-weapon.  But the PG 5000 must be handled with great care, as I have learned from bitter experience.

Last time I used this dreadful weapon I was not properly prepared, and it almost destroyed The Standard, that unholy mouthpiece for my deceitful operations. It was only with great difficulty that I got it back under control.

My super-weapon is so potent that it devours all blog threads, until all you can find to read are endless Pete George comments.

BWA HA HA HA HA!  BWA HA HA HA HA!  BWA HA HA HA HA!

MY NAME IS LEGION, AND THE VLWC ARE MANY!

PH’NGLUI MGLW’NAFH CTHULHU R’LYEH WGAG’NAGL FHTAGN!

6:21 PM

CAPS LOCK ON KEYBOARD HAS JAMMED AGAIN. DIABOLICAL PLOTTING WILL NEED TO BE SUSPENDED TOMORROW FOR TRIP TO DICK SMITH.

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