Well, Scott, that was a tight contest, and commiserations on your defeat. What do you think was the difference in the end?

Yeah, nah, thanks Smithie. It was a tight race, and I still feel like I could have won it at the end, but Francis was just too tough. His superior experience told in the end, as well as the fact that he can speak Latin and believes in God.

I think it’s fair to say you went into this contest as a rank outsider. Did you think there was a chance of an upset there towards the end?

I thought there were moments throughout the contest when things could have gone the other way. I was disappointed to be penalised for my atheism, and although my not being a cardinal may have been stretching the rules, I thought my exclusion from the conclave was a line call.

In the end the superior power of the college of cardinals was too much. Do you think your failure to adapt to their style of play cost you in the end?

Yeah, nah, I know a lot of people wanted to see an open and expansive style, without all the hating on the gays or the women, but in the end the cardinals played a tight and conservative game, squeezing the life out of any chance of reform. And all credit to them. They’ve been playing this game for hundreds of years, and they know how to close down a game.

A disappointing result, but still plenty to take out of the game?

Sure, but in the end I played to win, and I’m gutted by the result. Still, I left it all out on the field today, and though I didn’t get the result I wanted, I can hold my head up high.

So where to from here, Scott?

I’ll have to take some time to regroup, and there are a few injury concerns, but the new pope is an old man, so realistically there could be a rematch soon. I’ll just have to be better prepared. It might be time to dust off the Latin textbooks.

And start believing in God, stop insulting the Church, and live a life of celibacy?

Woah! You really ought to stick to cricket, Smithie.