A report into That Thing was released yesterday, after some people died, were endangered, or had their rights violated.

The report finds fault with the systems and processes followed by That Organisation, but it falls short of holding anyone accountable.

“Everything went wrong but nobody is to blame,” said the report’s author, That Person.

Prime Minister John Key said he had read the report, He said the government was committed to implementing most of the report’s recommendations.

But he said it was unlikely anyone from That Organisation would lose their job.

“These things happen”, he said with a careless shrug.