Many of us have been glued to our TV screens, watching the torment as Team New Zealand allows a seemingly unassailable America’s Cup lead to slip. It seems as if our luck has deserted us, and that Oracle will win the event. Their boat is faster, and they are making fewer mistakes. Our hopes now rest on the Oracle crew stuffing something up, or a piece of equipment breaking on the American boat.

And even if we manage to win the last race, Larry Ellison may have the final say in the courts.

It’s pretty bad, no?

You can let all of this get to you, but what’s the point? It’s only a bit of boat racing. In the grand scheme of things it won’t really matter who wins or loses the trophy. You have more important things to worry about:

1. You will die. One day. It may even be tomorrow. Or today. You may suffer a catastrophic stroke as you read this. Have you made a will?
2. If you are lucky enough to make it to old age, there’s a good chance you’ll lose the ability to control your bowels and bladder. Everything you own will end up smelling of wee.
3. The sun will eventually turn into a supernova and obliterate every trace of humanity. Every achievement of mankind, every great work of art, literature and science, will be destroyed in seconds.
4. If by some strange chance something manages to survive the wreckage of our civilisation, it’s just as likely to be Justin Bieber’s latest album as the collected works of Shakespeare.
5. We are killing our planet, and nobody with the ability or resources to make a difference seems to give a damn. Our world will probably be so toxic to our grandchildren that they’ll have to wear protective clothing just to step outside their front doors.
6. In the entire history of humanity the periods of peace and stability have been relatively few. The good times we in the west are currently enjoying will one day end; and violence, pain, and suffering will then be our daily lot.
7. They will never cure cancer. Sure, they’ll get better at treating it, but there are just so many different types that any hope for a cure or vaccine is wishful thinking.
8. Read Stephen King’s The Stand. It could happen. It may be about to happen.

9. The right won the battle of ideas thirty years ago. We just can’t admit it.

10. You are and always will be ugly. You tell yourself that if you can just lose a little weight everything will change for the better. It won’t. This is as good as it gets for you.