As a Labour Party member, I’m becoming increasingly confused about the party’s position on the Maui’s Dolphin.

I thought we were for the dolphins, but now I’m wondering if maybe we were against them all along.

I don’t mind either way. I’m a loyal party man and I’ll do what I’m told. If it’s decided that the Maui’s Dolphin must be sacrificed on the altar of progress, then that’s fine. I’ll just tell myself that they’re only glorified fish. But I do need to know one way or the other, in case I’m asked by someone what Labour’s policy is.

Are we for saving the Maui’s Dolphin? Or is our policy, like National’s, to drive those cetacean bastards to extinction?