Ten reasons why a Trump presidency might not be so bad

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  1. Donald Trump is not a young man. He might die in office, leaving power in the hands of a Vice President who is not quite as batshit crazy as Trump. Maybe. I am assuming he won’t pick Sarah Palin as his running partner. Or pretty much any of the other Republican contenders, all of whom are completely insane.
  2. A Trump presidency would solve global warming. The almost inevitable worldwide cataclysm that followed Trump’s victory would plunge us all into a nuclear winter to last hundreds of years.
  3. Historians will finally have answers to a question that has puzzled them since the 1930s: how could a destructive madman have ever become ruler of a civilised democracy?
  4. Trump is a pathological liar. Maybe he won’t do any of the terrible things he is promising. Of course, the other alternative is that he is lying about all of the good things he has said he will do.
  5. Commuters rejoice! The trains will run on time.
  6. Horrible times tend to bring out the best in poets and writers. We might see an explosion of creativity from within Mexican and Muslim communities in the US.
  7. It would mean Ted Cruz lost.
  8. There would be a bonanza of material for late night comedy show hosts like John Oliver and Trevor Noah. At least until they were deported. Or imprisoned.
  9. A Trump presidency would be welcomed by producers of TV shows like House of Cards. Critics keep complaining about the show’s completely implausible storylines, because there is no way the US would ever elect an evil arsehoie like Frank Underwood.
  10. The world would survive a Trump presidency. A great many species of bugs would probably endure, even if all human life was extinguished. And who’s to say some people wouldn’t survive too? You can buy blueprints for an underground survival bunker on the internet for a very reasonable price. And if you start buying up bottles of water and tinned food now, you will be able to avoid the rush. You might just get through this!