Now that Andrew Symonds is cured, will he be allowed to return to Australian cricket? Symonds recently got himself clean for a social rugby league game: “And a few days leading up [to the game] it was strictly lots of veggies and a fairly lean diet, and I swore myself off alcohol for about four…

Last night I expressed the highly controversial (comments! why no comments!) view that “God Defend New Zealand” was a bit, well, lame. So as a service to our proud nation I have decided to write a new anthem. Now I should add immediately that, while I find the music dreary, it’s the lyrics I really…

Crusher Collins wants to put our crims in shipping containers. Too costly, I say! Here are some alternatives. If we have to go with containers, let’s at least pack them properly. Everyone knows that if you don’t pack a container right stuff will fall and break. So let’s pack them in real tight. And maybe…

The squashing by Barack Obama of a small fly during a TV interview recently is just another example of naked American aggression. Let’s not get all misty-eyed about the first black man to be US President – Obama is a killer, a cold and ruthless one. And he enjoys the hunt. “I got the sucker!”…

So the All Blacks lost on Saturday. I debated whether to write an article savaging the management and coaching of the team, the lack of cohesion, the absence of self-belief, etcetera etcetera. Instead I’ll leave that for the paid hacks. So let’s have something to lift the spirits. Here’s a rating of the teams in…

Kerre Woodham has declared that the swine flu pandemic is hogwash. I think it’s about time we listened more to these bastions of common sense, rather than those so-called expert white-coated medical-type personages. I am so relieved at the news of Kerre’s edict that I’ve booked a flight to Mexico tomorrow to attend the Tijuana…

Police yesterday apprehended a rogue tradesman who is alleged to have defrauded a number of people from a small community. Police last night named the man as Aleksander Borowski. He is believed to be from Poland, and in this country on an expired work visa. Borowski is accused of fraudulently taking money from the residents…

Dear Chris This is hard to write. I’m no good with feelings, and this letter has taken everything out of me. But, Chris, there’s something we need to talk about. It’s been gnawing at me for a while now, but until this morning it was just something buried in the back of my mind. You…

The jury is still out, and already some people who should know better have decided it’s time to cast their own judgment. What is the key “take home” of all of this? It is that the sooner we abolish trial by jury and just shoot anyone who annoys us the better.

New Zealand has been judged the most peaceful nation in the world by the Institute for Economics and Peace. The full rankings can be found here. We have taken the top spot from Iceland. So that’s yet another statistic to prove we’re just like Iceland. Great. The Australian think tank (whose existence I’d never heard…