I Can Fix It

Part One – Global Warming

In a debate between economist Gareth Morgan and climate change denier Ian Wishart on Close Up the other night, 77% of viewers decided Wishart made the better argument on whether global warming exists.

And climate change deniers claim that the leaked emails from prominent climate scientists prove global warming is a fiction – a conspiracy invented by the scientific community for their own gain.

I expect many of you will be thinking these two events merely go to prove how gullible people can be. But don’t be so quick to judge, because I see an opportunity. After all, we create our own reality. So maybe climate change can be arrested if we simple pretend it doesn’t exist.

Here’s what we need to do to make this work:

  • Next time you hear a scientist speak about how the melting polar icecaps will submerge many countries and doom millions, just stick your fingers in your ears and go “la la la la!”
  • Vote for a political party that doesn’t have the heart for the climate change fight. If you’re in New Zealand, you’re already in luck!
  • Every time you read or hear an expert discussing global warming, go outside and start a fire – preferably a big dirty one. Tyres are perfect, but any rubbish will do. Tell your friends and neighbours to do the same. When climate change scientists realise that their arguments are contributing to global warming, they’ll shut up and the problem will go away.
  • Buy land in Hamilton. Pretty soon it’ll be coastal property and you’ll be able to relax at the seaside reading Air Con while enjoying the feel of the waves lapping at your feet.

Coming Soon: Part Two – Death and Taxes