Environmental Crisis Deepens

Panic has swept the country as people struggle to deal with the impact of environmental disaster.

The announcement that a food and beverages stall would be permitted at Cathedral Cove has stunned the environmental movement. And the international community has expressed concern and dismay.

The Prime Minister was reportedly returning to NZ late last night, in response to the crisis that threatens to overwhelm the nation.

John Key had been due to remain in his Hawaiian beach house until mid January. He is expected to call an emergency Cabinet meeting tomorrow to address the situation.

Key has also put the army and civil defence on standby, and officials are in contact with the Red Cross.

Concern is also mounting in financial circles about the news. Traders are anxious about what will happen when markets reopen after the New Years holiday. Some analysts are predicting a sharp drop in the price of shares.

United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has pleaded for international calm, after stocks on Wall Street dropped sharply yesterday at news the Cathedral Cove offering included sandwiches. And shares in Starbucks plummeted when it was revealed coffee may also be available.

United States President Barack Obama cancelled key meetings with anti-terror experts, in order to give proper attention to the pending environmental catastrophe.

“The War on Terror is our number one priority,” said Obama. “Well at least it was. Because when someone sells food and refreshments in such a brazen and outrageous manner, it threatens the freedoms we all enjoy.”