John’s Diary – 25/1/10

Dear Diary

It‘s been a pretty busy few days.

Went down the line to see some Maoris, and some old bloke got up and said I was doing really well.

It’s a pity visiting the Marae is a bit of a drag. It’s all talk talk talk! I heard the Ratana people say they wanted Labour to give them four seats in return for their support. But my arse was so sore from all the sitting that by the end of the talkfest I’d have given the buggers mine for free. LOL!

It’s funny how they like me, but.

Willie Apiata looks like one mean guy in that Herald photo. He’s staring coldly at the camera, as if he’s just found out someone’s boning his missus, or that some politician’s just told the media he is in Afghanistania. LOL!

Mind you, our boy Willie is a bit of a hero, and he won that big medal a couple of years ago (note to self: get picture taken with hero guy wearing medal). He’s probably pissed off with me right now, but I’ll get Wayne to tell him not to worry. If the bad guys come for his family it’ll be like that Gladiator film, the one with that guy Crowe in it. That film didn’t do his career any harm, did it? He’s got bad knees and a fake hairdo, but he’s still a cricket legend. Mind you, he dies at the end of the film.

Talking of films, I just found out we gave $45 million to Hollywood for that Avatar film. I didn’t know they’d filmed it in New Zealand. Those blue people looked a bit odd, but maybe they were from Southland. I must ask Bill. He used to live there still lives there. Gerry tells me James Cameron got the script idea from reading Gerry’s latest plans for the Conservation estate. Cool! I so want to see one of those flying dragon things next time I’m in Hawaii talking about one day holidaying in New Zealand (cue the Tui billboard! LOL!)

I heard some people were complaining because we don’t want to pick up the tab for the care of the disabled by their parents. Tony says we can’t afford it. I guess he’s right. I figure anyone who puts so much effort into his wardrobe must be pretty onto it. Me, I’m just happy in a Hawaiian shirt. And in Hawaii! Still, employing all those people as caregivers would shut the Labour lot up for a while. It’s a pretty good job creation scheme, eh? LOL!

Nick’s in some hot water right now (global warming?? LOL!) The newspaper says someone’s suing him for saying stuff that, like, maybe wasn’t true or something. Can someone really sue you for making stuff up? (note to self: check house and assets are in family trust). Must ask Simon or Chris. They know all about that legal stuff. I’d ask Murray, because he used to be a lawyer too, but he’s off to London now. I can’t remember why. Something about searching for the “One Ring”, I recall.

Rodney’s much happier now the three strikes law is going ahead. For a while I thought Rodney didn’t like me. He once even said my government had done nothing, and he said it like that was a bad thing. Now Rodney’s grinning so much I’m worried he might be turning into Tim Shadbolt (note to memoir writer: I have nothing against Tim Shadbolt, or for that matter the people of Southland. Especially not the blue ones. I like blue). Rodney says the new law will solve our crime problems. But I don’t understand how people can be committing all this crime, because everywhere I look I see cops. Oh wait, those are my diplomatic protection officers. LOL!

No more time to write. It’s crazy how much time it takes to get nothing done.