It’s been a tough couple of weeks. I should have written sooner, but being ambitious for New Zealand and relaxed at the same time makes it hard to get anything done.

Last week was pretty awful. Phil’s resignation caught me by complete surprise. I don’t understand why he resigned over a few bottles of wine. We make most of our policy after few bottles of wine. LOL!

Judith has been in fierce form these last couple of weeks, demanding tougher penalties for this, that and the other. Simon asked me where she’d been on her holidays, as he thought something may have bitten her. It’s just like Simon to be worried about the welfare of animals.

Our decision to destroy freeze funding for Radio NZ hasn’t been well received. I don’t even know why we need these publicly funded stations. I don’t listen to the news, because you can’t be sure they’ll say what you want. And if I want to listen to some sweet sounds I just get my iPod out and turn the Dire Straits up to maximum (It’s the only thing that drowns out Nick’s voice). Listening to “Money for Nothing” keeps me focused on the important things.

A survey out a couple of days ago says the income gap with Australia is growing even wider. I’m relaxed about this. The important thing is that we beat them in a game of cricket and I’m still grinning. And I’m ambitious for New Zealand. Besides, I have a plan. I’m working hard to make sure New Zealanders earn more. That’s why I’m making it more attractive for them to move to Australia. LOL!

The SAS have just been in a gunfight with the Taliban! They went into a hostile zone, tore the place apart, then just waltzed out leaving the bodies of their enemies in their wake. I wonder if I’m allowed to send them into Parliament next question time. LOL!

Tsunami was a close call. I panicked when I heard the beaches were packed with people risking everything to get a look at the waves. It wouldn’t have done my re-election chances any favours if half the country’s idiots had been swept out to sea. LOL!

I’d love to write more, but I have places to be and speeches to give. Big empty talk doesn’t happen by itself, you know.