Nobody Is To Blame

The directors of failed company Feltex have blamed their accountants for the troubles that beset the company.

Because we all know it’s always someone else’s fault when things go wrong, I’ve put together a list of the top ten responses directors and corporate executives can use when the receivers or the Serious Fraud Office come knocking:

  1. The dog ate my financial statements.
  2. I’m sorry but I’m too busy to attend the hearing. I’m meeting the architect to go over some critical design features for my Paratai Drive palace.
  3. I have no recollection of anything I said or did as a director of that company. But while you’re here, can I interest you in some first ranking debenture securities?
  4. I blame the market. Why didn’t it just keep going up?
  5. Honestly, how can a man be expected to keep track of every single failed company he’s involved in?
  6. Please get off my superyacht, before my lackeys throw you off.
  7. I know thousands of elderly investors have lost everything, but I feel their pain. The stress has affected me so profoundly I can only handle three or four games of golf a week. And some of my mistresses are threatening to leave me.
  8. This is all the Government’s fault. Thanks to excessive regulation it’s impossible for anyone in this country to make an honest dollar. They forced us to lie, cheat and steal.
  9. We only failed because we did not succeed.
  10. Stop oppressing me. This is just like what happened to Jesus.