Racial Discrimination Has Ended

The new Race Relations Commissioner has announced he will no longer investigate complaints of racism from minority groups.

The new Commissioner, Walter Krank, took up the role last week, after the tragic disappearance of the previous officeholder in a hot air ballooning mishap.

Mr Krank announced the decision at a press conference yesterday.

“There’s no longer any need to take action to address inequality or racism,” Mr Krank said. “Ethnic minorities have got it sweet.”

The decision has enraged ethnic minority support groups. Sonya Grey, of Campaign Against Racism, said the decision by the new Commissioner was bizarre and wrong.

“Racism is all around us. I hear terrible tales of discrimination every day.  How could the Commissioner just refuse to do his job?”

But Krank today repeated his claim that ethnic minorities do not need extra help.

“Seriously? Have you seen how many women those hip-hop stars get? If you watch Kanye or 50 Cent, they’re virtually beating the women away.

“Those guys must be getting it all the time. And you want me to feel sorry for them?”

Mr Krank said other races were doing well.

“Look at Tiger Woods. He’s part Asian. Hasn’t stopped him from chasing some serious tail, has it now? He must have banged just about every cocktail waitress in the US.”

Krank laughed off criticism that many ethnic minorities experienced discrimination, and that the lot of many new immigrants to this country was hard.

“Hard?”, laughed Mr Krank. “I’ll tell you who’s hard. Hard and fast. Lewis Hamilton, the Formula One driver. It’s a wonder he isn’t too exhausted to drive.”

Krank said he would now spend his office hours on the Internet. “There’s some fantastic stuff online, I tell you,” he said. “But you wonder if some of it is actually real.”