John’s Diary – 19/5/10

The last week or so has been an ordeal. And I don’t just mean having to listen to Gerry’s latest plans to surgically mine precious minerals. Apparently up to 4% of the human body is made up of minerals. So Gerry reckons he’s now found a way for people on welfare to contribute to society. Paula’s suddenly warmer on the mining plan.

Those brown folk up in the hills are a grumpy lot. They say I lied to them. I can assure you I did no such thing. I told the Tuhoe negotiating team that the Crown would hand over the Urewera National Park, but I had my fingers crossed at the time, so it doesn’t count. Anyway, as the leader of the Australian Opposition has just explained, things said in the heat of the moment, rather than in carefully considered press releases and articles, don’t count.

Chris was not a happy man when I told him my plan. He said the media would eat me alive. Not if Tuhoe got there first, I joked. I thought it was pretty funny, so why did Chris just put on his frowny face?

I reckon this will silence those people who voted for me but who’ve been complaining I’ve given too much to the Marries. On the other hand, I suspect the beads and blankets my ancestors gave Maori are of more value than the supposed concessions I’ve given the Maori Party. Pita and Tariana are hopping mad, but they’ll get over it. They seem to enjoy the rough stuff, and will be back for more.

Anyway, it will soon be forgotten on Thursday. I’m putting the finishing touches on the Budget. There’s something in it for everyone, so long as you earn over $70K and don’t smoke.

As I said the other day, the tax cuts to be announced in the Budget are critical to the welfare of our most precious citizens – the rich. I sometimes wonder why we put up with all the abuse and the insults from those envious poor folk. After all, we contribute the most in taxes (LOL!) and work harder than anyone else (ROFL!). Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t just get away from it all and go live on a tropical island somewhere. Wait a minute, I already do for half the year! LOL!