There was an altercation in Parliament today as reactionary forces, led by the Speaker of the House, Lockwood Smith, attempted to fly the New Zealand flag.

The incident sparked an official protest by the Chinese government, and a formal apology from the governor of the province, John Key.

An investigation is now under way to determine how the Speaker was able to ascend to the roof of Parliament without being apprehended by Chinese security.

Dr Smith’s attempt was foiled when the wind refused to blow, leaving the flag hanging limply on its mast.

Provincial officials are hopeful that the symbol of New Zealand’s sovereignty hanging flaccidly will discourage other troublemakers, wreckers and class enemies from attempting anything similar.

This attempt to fly the New Zealand flag has not been the first attempt by terrorists to challenge the One-China policy. Foreign forces are thought to be behind the incident, because New Zealand has always been a part of China, and because its people are peaceful and content under China’s benevolent rule.

Dr Smith was said last night to be regretful and ashamed at his behaviour. His self-denunciation will be broadcast live on Parliament TV at midday tomorrow.