I Am Becoming A Vampire

Dear readers

I thought you should know I’ve decided to become a vampire.

It’s been on my mind for the last few weeks, but then when I read an article that said today’s vampires are both kind and sexy, I just knew it was time for me to transform.

I’m not sure what’s involved in becoming a vampire, but I’m guessing it won’t take too much work. As a practising lawyer I figure I’m already most of the way there. I’ll just muddle through the rest of the process.

You will probably think I’m jumping on the bandwagon, but I’m just responding to what people want. If fanged folk are going to be tomorrow’s movers and shakers, then why should I let myself be left behind? As far as I can establish blogging vampires are still few and far between. Becoming one of them might be the breakthrough I need to achieve a genuine name for this blog.

I’ll admit I haven’t done a lot of research into this. But then I’m one of those “follow your heart” types. I’ll make the change and worry about the details later.

Like how exactly am I going to eat? My wife might have a thing or two to say if I go about biting people, and anyway that doesn’t sound like such a nice way to behave. Modern vampires are supposed to be sophisticated, sensitive and caring.

The sleeping arrangements also sound awkward. Do I really have to sleep in a coffin? And, while I am usually at my best in the evenings, not being able to set foot in sunlight may cause difficulties at work. I wonder when I should tell work about my plan.

I’m also a little concerned about the prospect of hordes of lovestruck schoolgirls following me everywhere. It’s not really their fault that once I’ve transformed I’ll be both attractive and enigmatic, an irresistible combination to teenage girls. But I’m a happily married man, so the girls will just have to keep their distance. Will they give me the space I need to grow into a sensitive and compassionate creature of the undead?

Talking of which, at what point do I tell my wife?

I’m glad I waited this long, even if it feels like I’m having to catch up with the pack. Twenty years ago if I became a vampire I’d have looked something like this:

Now I get to look like this:

I guess the wife may not mind after all.

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