I’m wondering if anyone can help me. I realise this is the second post in a row where I have sought the assistance of my readers, but it is all for a good cause.

I don’t like wastage. Maybe it’s the years I spent as a student on the bones of my arse, barely able to pay the rent. They were years ago, but they left a lasting impression.

So when I have more of something than I need, I don’t like to throw it away.

Anyway, for the last week or more my household has been experiencing an excess of snot, dribble, mucus and phlegm. I’m not sure how much of this stuff a family needs to get by on, but we sure have more than we know what to do with. I figure you can normally expect some of this stuff during the winter months, but we must be breaking some records, I tell you.

I’ve tried to come up with creative uses for it all, but good recipes seem thin on the ground and, although this stuff would probably make a good glue, I suspect the smell might become a problem after a while.

So if anyone has a need for any of this stuff (maybe you’re a collector, or you’re thinking of starting some kind of weird organic farm), let me know and I’ll get a few buckets of it for you.

It would be a shame to tip the stuff out.