Now that the Hobbit films are here to stay, and that we have established that the ham-fisted attempts by the actors union to negotiate were a handy pretext to enable Warner Bros to extract more cash from us, let’s look at the deal struck today. I’ve now had time to look at the terms. 

• John Key to receive honorary Bilderberg Group membership.
• Gerry Brownlee to get a cameo role in the Hobbit – as a barrel.
• Taxpayer to pick up Warner Bros hotel minibar bill. May run into the thousands.
• Employment laws to be changed to clarify that the law is what Warner Bros lawyers say it is.
• New Zealand to be renamed Middle Earth. Invercargill to be renamed Mordor. Hamilton to be renamed Shithouse.
• Oath of fealty to Sir Peter Jackson to be compulsory in schools from next term.
• New Zealand navy to urgently purchase more vessels so that actor unionists can be flogged around the fleet.
• A special fund to be established to promote the National Party New Zealand tourism. 
• Script to be changed so that Orc king is now an Australian union boss.
• Emergency Canterbury earthquake legislation to be amended to give Warner Bros boss the ability to pass Orders in Council.
• Phil Goff to become even more irrelevant.