So Here’s The Deal

Now that the Hobbit films are here to stay, and that we have established that the ham-fisted attempts by the actors union to negotiate were a handy pretext to enable Warner Bros to extract more cash from us, let’s look at the deal struck today. I’ve now had time to look at the terms. 

  • John Key to receive honorary Bilderberg Group membership.
  • Gerry Brownlee to get a cameo role in the Hobbit – as a barrel.
  • Taxpayer to pick up Warner Bros hotel minibar bill. May run into the thousands.
  • Employment laws to be changed to clarify that the law is what Warner Bros lawyers say it is.
  • New Zealand to be renamed Middle Earth. Invercargill to be renamed Mordor. Hamilton to be renamed Shithouse.
  • Oath of fealty to Sir Peter Jackson to be compulsory in schools from next term.
  • New Zealand navy to urgently purchase more vessels so that actor unionists can be flogged around the fleet.
  • A special fund to be established to promote the National Party New Zealand tourism. 
  • Script to be changed so that Orc king is now an Australian union boss.
  • Emergency Canterbury earthquake legislation to be amended to give Warner Bros boss the ability to pass Orders in Council.
  • Phil Goff to become even more irrelevant.