Now that the Hobbit films are here to stay, and that we have established that the ham-fisted attempts by the actors union to negotiate were a handy pretext to enable Warner Bros to extract more cash from us, let’s look at the deal struck today. I’ve now had time to look at the terms.
- John Key to receive honorary Bilderberg Group membership.
- Gerry Brownlee to get a cameo role in the Hobbit – as a barrel.
- Taxpayer to pick up Warner Bros hotel minibar bill. May run into the thousands.
- Employment laws to be changed to clarify that the law is what Warner Bros lawyers say it is.
- New Zealand to be renamed Middle Earth. Invercargill to be renamed Mordor. Hamilton to be renamed Shithouse.
- Oath of fealty to Sir Peter Jackson to be compulsory in schools from next term.
- New Zealand navy to urgently purchase more vessels so that actor unionists can be flogged around the fleet.
- A special fund to be established to promote t
he National PartyNew Zealand tourism.
- Script to be changed so that Orc king is now an Australian union boss.
- Emergency Canterbury earthquake legislation to be amended to give Warner Bros boss the ability to pass Orders in Council.
- Phil Goff to become even more irrelevant.