No Pandas No Plan

The Dom Post has reported* that John Key’s plan to acquire two pandas for the Wellington Zoo have been shelved.

Instead the zoo wants to acquire a pair of overgrown pussycats.

The panda plan was critical to our nation’s economic welfare. It was going to lead to jobs, economic growth, and our winning the Rugby World Cup.

In the same way that tinkering with Kiwisaver represents a bold move that will singlehandedly get government spending under control.

I can’t think why they abandoned the plan. Those lovable pandas would have bought joy to the cold bitter hearts of the bureaucrats and politicians who have made windy Wellington their home. Maybe that was the problem. The blood of reptiles flows cold.

Another possibility is that the pandas just weren’t up to the mark. The standard of Chinese product has increased over the years in general, but we still occasionally hear stories about tainted products, and IP infringement issues are still a problem. Maybe the pandas Key was looking at weren’t the real deal. Perhaps they were just a couple of Chinese guys in a suit pretending to like bamboo. We know from that Mr Peters and that Mr Chapman that all foreigners are evil, and most probably communists, and would you really want your children being subjected to a cute and cuddly bear reciting sections from Mao’s Little Red Book?

So let’s not be too critical. It’s election year and we don’t even know what Labour’s policy position on pandas is! Or on members of the ursidae family of mammals generally. It’s no wonder they’re lagging in the polls.

* Many thanks to The Standard for alerting me to this.