Fighting For Death

Following the announcement that Jonah Lomu will participate in December’s Fight for Life charity boxing event, another organisation has said it will hold its own charity boxing event.

The Sensible Sentencing Trust has announced that it will hold a boxing event on the same night as the Fight for Life event.

The Trust’s event, entitled Fight for Death, will raise money for the organisation, enabling it to lobby for sensible law and order policies, including hard labour for criminals, the return of the death sentence, and the gradual rolling-back of 400 years of liberal Western enlightenment.

The Trust’s spokesperson, Garth McVicar said that the event would involve a series of bouts between well-known criminals and their victims.

A group of notorious murderers and rapists have agreed to be involved in the fights, and they will square off against grieving parents and victims of violence.

George Morrison, better known as the Butcher of Balclutha, and who was released on parole in 2008 after serving a life sentence for the slaughter of kindergarten teacher Katrina Foxton, said he was looking forward to getting back in the ring.

“I’ve been training hard for this fight and I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in,” said Mr Morris. “Far better than when I slowly gutted that lady and watched her slowly die.

“It’s been an experience donning the gloves, when previously my weapon of choice has been the knife.

“But I’m looking forward to getting in the ring and smashing hell out of Katrina’s father. He said some bad things about me during my sentencing, and even if they were all true I never forgot it.”

Fight for Life promoter Dean Lonergan said he was disappointed at the scheduling clash, but hoped a unification fight could be held soon.

“Seeing a top football player and a serial rapist bashing all shit out of each other would be gold, mate, just gold,” said Mr Lonergan.

“Mate, and at the end of the day the charity’s the winner.”

Mr Lonergan dismissed reports that Don Brash and Rodney Hide would square off against each other in this year’s headline Fight for Life bout.

“Rodders said he was up for it, but mate, Brashie’s a knife-fighter, not a boxer.”