We’re all on tenterhooks, wondering who the mysterious person at number 3 on the ACT list is.
My picks, from most likely to least likely are:
- Stephen Wilce: The former defence force fantasist is back in the country, after a stint undercover in Afghanistan for the CIA. If Actoids can be sold the lie that global warming is a myth, then I’m sure one look by Brash at Wilce’s CV should nail the list placing. Negatives: none.
- Ayn Rand: High profile, and would energise the libertarian wing. Negatives: a woman, foreign, dead.
- Hurricane Irene: Irene has many of the attributes necessary for an ACT MP. She is destructive, unpleasant and hated by almost all. Negatives: Irene is a woman’s name.
- David Garrett: Experienced, politically toxic, and with a disgraceful past. Negatives: resigned in disgrace, so clearly has some moral scruples.
- Muammar Gaddafi: Eccentric despot trying to prop up a failed regime. Future ACT leadership material. Negatives: nobody knows how to properly spell his name, foreign, Muslim.
- Pontius Pilate: That Jesus was going about Galilee talking up
charity and kindness and how rich men weren’t going to heaven any time
soon, and then Pilate nailed him to a goddamn cross. Brilliant.
Negatives: Italian, too young.