National’s Election Strategy: The Power Of Prayer

Finance minister Bill English today released the National Party’s plan to grow the economy and stimulate economic growth.

Opponents of National have criticised the party for failing the address the problems of sluggish economic growth, rising unemployment and a volatile dollar.

But Mr English today answered his critics with a bold series of initiatives to get the country moving again.

The cornerstone of the new growth policy is an initiative called Pray For Our Salvation.

The initiative involves downsizing a number of government departments, including Treasury and the Ministry of Economic Development.

They will be replaced by a range of community organisations, whose activities will involve economic forecasting and planning.

Mr English addressed concerns that devolving these activities to community groups would lead to inconsistencies in how forecasting and planning were undertaken.

“We recognise the need to balance the desire for local autonomy with the maintenance of minimum standards,” said Mr English.

“We will allow organisation to have considerable independence in how they run their own affairs. But they will also be expected to follow certain minimum guidelines that we will prescribe for them.”

Mr English said that the difference between National and Labour was that only one party wanted to spend millions of taxpayer dollars on risky economic plans.

“Our policy is much simpler. If you want to get ahead under National, then the power is in your hands. Get on your knees and pray for a miracle.

“But if you’re not religious don’t worry, because we’ve a plan worked out for you too: buy yourself a lotto ticket.”