Candidate Remains Confident Despite Receiving No Votes

Independent candidate Dwayne “The Dude” Baker said he remained confident of a good result from his election campaign, despite not receiving any votes in Saturday’s election.

Mr Baker campaigned for the Te Atatu seat in the general election, but failed to secure any votes.

Baker’s name was not on the ballot paper, after he failed to submit papers to the Electoral Commission by the cut-off date.

The controversial former Labour MP said he was happy with his campaign, and remained confident he would still be in the running once special votes were counted.

“I am totally stoked, dude,” said Mr Baker from his flat in Henderson yesterday. “They haven’t even finished counting the votes, so anything can happen.”

Mr Baker was undaunted by reports that the total number of special votes to be counted was less than the winning margin on the night by Labour MP Phil Twyford.

He said he was also not concerned at the fact his name was not on the ballot paper.

“I rang the number for the Electricity Commission on Friday night and said I wanted to run, but it’s not my problem if they don’t check their messages.

“Those fascists just don’t wanna know about the Real Deal,” said Mr Baker.

“But I won’t be silenced. The people will rise up and be heard. This ain’t over, my man.”

Mr Baker was a Labour list MP until a few months ago. He was ejected from the Labour Party after a live interview on the Campbell Live television show. Mr Baker told host John Campbell that cabinet minister Paula Bennett was a “hot babe”, and that he would “totally, like, tap that.”

Baker was ejected from the party a week after the interview. Labour leader Phil Goff said Baker’s behaviour was “disgraceful, boorish and offensive to all women. That is not the way I expect a member of my caucus to conduct himself in public.”

It was not the first public incident involving Mr Baker. Labour Party leaders had become increasingly exasperated by his behaviour well before his ejection from the party.

Earlier this year Baker admitted planning to vote for National, and he also admitted entering into discussions with Hone Harawira about forming a new political party.

Mr Baker had sought the Labour nomination for Te Atatu back in 2010, but a mix-up meant he failed to get his nomination in on time.

Baker admitted to reporters he had spent all election day knocking on doors, and telling people to vote for him.

“I felt like total shit, because Baz and some mates were around my flat last night and we got totally wasted. But I still managed to get up about lunchtime to knock on some doors in Epsom with my mates.”

Mr Baker said he was not concerned that Epsom was not part of his electorate, or that he had broken the law by campaigning on election day.

“Nah, not even bro. I’m not going doorknocking around here, because every second house has a big dog, and being mauled by a dog would, like, totally suck. Plus Epsom’s a sweet place, and the houses are real fine.

“Best of all, Baz reckoned he spotted a few houses we can bust into later, with heaps of sweet stereos and flat-screen TVs.

“That’s going to buy us a mountain of shit to smoke.

“And no cops are gonna tell The Dude what he can and can’t do on his weekend. It’s a free country, man!”

Mr Baker said he did not know what he would do if he failed to return to Parliament.

“Not having an MP’s salary would cramp The Dude’s style, there’s no doubt,” said Mr Baker.

“I am one for the ladies, as you well know. I’ve never met a lady I didn’t want to tap. Except my Mum. And Gran.

“The ladies like a man with the cash, but if I lose I’ll make do with my charms and my style,” said Mr Baker from the lounge of his flat as he scrounged around the filthy floor for three-day-old pizza while wearing only stained underpants.

He said he was thrilled at the result of a recent magazine sex survey that found 95% of women would sooner go to bed with Paul Holmes or a rotten pig’s carcass than the former Labour MP.

“Five percent rated me ahead of Paul Holmes and the pig. That’s, like, one in twenty! “

“So there are thousands of women who will let me bone them in some circumstances. Sweet as!

“I’m a grinner, I’m a lover, and I’m a sinner. The ladies can’t keep their hands off my stuff.”