Concerns Mount Over Absence Of Social Media Gaffes

A National Party MP’s colleagues have become increasingly concerned about his wellbeing, after he failed for two consecutive days to make a fool of himself on Twitter.

Concerns were raised when colleagues of Tau Henare realised that they had not noticed a single social media brainfart from the list MP for over 48 hours.

With the recent departure from Parliament of MPs Aaron Gilmore and Paul Quinn, the pressure has been on Mr Henare to underperform in a spectacular and public way so that the rest of his caucus colleagues look good by comparison.

Concerns are now mounting that Mr Henare may have realised his social media output and lowly list ranking are related in some way.

One MP who spoke on an anonymous basis, said the failure by Henare to defame, abuse or vilify others via Twitter for over two days was a real concern.

“We’re all worried about his mental health,” said the MP.

“We’re hoping he hasn’t decided to be more considered and measured in his comments.

“If an MP now in his fifth term of office can comment on Twitter that New Zealand’s not having a written constitution means we have no constitution at all, then the rest of us in caucus can put our feet up, knowing that no matter how badly we drop the ball we can never outdo Tau’s efforts.

“Tau’s a team player, and is always willing to take the hits for the rest of us. Our thoughts are with our colleague at this difficult time. Kia kaha Tau! You can get through this.”

Update: In an escalation of the crisis Prime Minister John Key, who was in Pyongyang earlier this week for the state funeral of North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Il, is now flying back to New Zealand to deal with his non-errant MP.

Key was hoping to close an important trade deal with North Korea during the visit, but trade talks have now been postponed.

The news that talks have been put on hold will be a bitter blow for the New Zealand grass industry. Trade officials believe that the sophisticated palates of North Korean consumers are ready for the refined and subtle flavours that New Zealand grasses offer.

Key is due back in Auckland tomorrow and will address his caucus in an emergency meeting tomorrow evening.

BREAKING NEWS: It appears that the social media crisis may have been averted. Tau Henare has  commented via Twitter “Got him ! Turangi assault perp caught. Well done boys in blue” in response to the arrest of a teenager in connection with the savage attack of a five year old girl.

The failure by a long-term MP to understand the very simple presumption-of-innocence concept has reassured concerned caucus members that Henare is fully malfunctioning again.

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