Expert: Elephant Tragedy Just Like Important First Punic War Battle

Some of those killed in yesterday’s elephant-trampling catastrophe would have earlier considered reviewing their life and trauma insurance arrangements, an insurance expert says.

And the families of those squashed by the angry beasts would be overwhelmed by the desire to communicate with the souls of their lost ones via psychics and other spiritual mediums, says a prominent clairvoyant.

In scenes reminiscent of the Battle of Panormus in 251BC, a herd of elephants turned on its masters and trampled to death a group of visitors in an animal wildlife park in Huntly on Sunday.

Retired door-to-door insurance salesman Bill Staines said that some of the eighteen people killed by the marauding elephants at Wilderlands Wonderpark would have discussed amongst themselves before the visit whether their life and trauma insurance arrangements extended to death or injury by elephant.

“You would be surprised at how many people discuss the levels of their coverage and the amounts of their excesses, even as they put themselves into such situations,” said Mr Staines.

“Indeed, I would not be at all surprised to learn that the tour guide took the victims through a detailed PowerPoint presentation on the insurance options available to them in respect of death or injury caused by animal trampling, focusing particular attention on the types of policies available and the extent of the coverage for each type of incident, before he took them into the elephant’s pen. I certainly would have.”

Mr Staines said the scenario was similar to the Battle of Panormus in 251BC, where the war elephants of the Carthaginians panicked and turned on their own troops, causing mass casualties.

“That battle saw the defeat of a Carthaginian army by the Romans, who were led by the consul Lucius Caecilius Metellus. The defeat was decisive for the warring parties, because it ensured the strategically important city of Panormus would not fall into the hands of the Carthaginians.

“The impact of this victory was profound. A Roman victory in Sicily would lead ultimately to success in the First Punic War, and was an important step towards Roman domination of the Western Mediterranean. The crushing of Carthage by Rome led in the end to many centuries of Roman rule, allowing Roman law, culture, architecture and engineering to spread. It also led to the rise of the Roman Empire, which in itself led to the rise of the Church, which in turn led to the Reformation and the Enlightenment, and so led to the modern democratic society we live in today.

“Many of the insurance policies we take for granted today would not even exist, had the Carthaginian elephants not on that historic day gone mad and trampled many of their own side to death.”

Clairvoyant and reality show host Madame Zoltar said that with a tragedy such as an elephant-trampling it was normal for grieving family members to want to communicate with the dead.

“The families are looking for answers,” said Madame Zoltar.

“The first thing they will be wanting to do, even before the police have cleared the scene, is ask questions of the dead and hear the voices of their loved ones from beyond the grave.

“It also would be normal for those relatives to have talked to each other about the need to communicate with their loved ones, before the accident took place.

“A well-prepared family will have a séance plan in place. Not necessarily anything formal, but at very least an understanding between themselves so that when the unthinkable happens they are ready.

“It’s a good idea to consider booking a psychic medium in advance whenever your loved ones decide to engage in any risky activities, such as going to a wildlife park, driving a car, or travelling Jetstar.

“And don’t forget to keep a fully-stocked séance pack ready in your basement in case disaster strikes.”

Madame Zoltar said that the families of the deceased would be overwhelmed with the “natural feelings” of remorse, if they had not put a séance plan in place beforehand.

Optometrist Jan Belsch said that the horrifying sight of a monstrous great grey wall of elephant bodies hurtling towards the victims may have caused some of them to consider their eyewear options during the last moments of their lives.

“If the terrifying last seconds of these poor people were more a blur than a very sharp series of images, then that could indicate they were in need of prescription glasses, or that their prescription needed to be updated,” said Ms Belsch.

“People need to prepare for the unexpected. Wouldn’t they want their last horrifying images of life to be crystal clear?”

Ms Belsch said that if families of the victims were having trouble with their eyes they may be suffering from an eye disorder. In that case they should seek help.

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